Freedom from Being Judged

“Judging a Person Does Not Define Who They Are. It Defines Who You Are”

Freedom is our right, we have been living in free India since 70 years now, but what about those who are still nabbed under the unseen shackles of society and its norms. This post is dedicated to all those daily life’s freedom warriors… Kumudh just finished her last slide of the presentation when her pains began, first slowly and then turning into giant leaps of tormenting trouble. Breathless she called in her driver, informed seniors about the medical emergency, and rushed for her child’s arrival. Nervous with excitement and shock waves of contractions, she calls to her family and Husband were crisp and short – get ready, it’s Time. 9 months and some days heavily pregnant Kumudh were rushed to Labour Room on her arrival, with family on toe.

Back at office, the last presentation made by Kumudh to offshore client bagged them the biggest contract with heavy revenues and reputation. As Vice President (Project Management) with a Muti-national IT giant her name comes as a most professional & dedicated employee. Many accolades on the cap and responsibilities on shoulders, placing someone else on her role for 3 months of maternity leave was the toughest decision management has worked on lately, apart from hushing the grapevine about her last-minute emergency exit. “Why she had to wait till the LAST minute”, “She’s 40+ this age gets lot of complications”, “She’s a ruthless career woman – didn’t you see she did not even care for her unborn child” and much more. Today no one is talking about the achievement her presentation got, but all are judging her for the decision she took – work till last moment of baby’s arrival!

Labour room was hustling with commotion over Kumudh’s high blood-pressure, her husband never left her hand but family was tensed. “What was the need of all this? we already have so much wealth, why she had to jeopardise the life of this child, she could have just taken a sabbatical” said her mother in law. Few tensed minutes and they got the good news of baby’s arrival – a healthy baby girl of 3.3 kgs, everyone was happy and relieved from stress – “abhi isko bhi apne jaisa JOB, JOB, JOB mat bana dena”, taunted her Mom while holding the baby in arms. It was least expected from them, but she let it go with a whiff of happiness – her baby!

Just a few weeks left in 3 months of maternity leave Kumudh is working hard to get a professional nanny for little baby. Her parents and in-laws are not in support of her resuming work this early – “What’s the need to going back to office this soon, you can always find a new job next year”. “Stay with your child for some time, jobs will come and go this time with your kid will never come back”. “You are being a hardcore professional, look at her from mother’s heart – take a sabbatical at least”. She was mentally prepared for this and hence, just concentrated on her judgment. At least her better half supports her – in sticking to his side of the bargain.

Back in office, she could see the concerns in eyes of her peers regarding her personal priorities now. “You might not be mobile temporarily, due to a baby at home”. “How do you manage professional pressure so early after having a baby?” “Post-partum hormones, hope you are still sane to pick up the best decisions”. Not even once she was forgiven from these pokey questions, from the alleged accusations of being selfish, her only fault she did not agree to the present guidelines of society. All she and many like her’s only ask for is a – ‘Little freedom, freedom to make their own choices’.

Read about Single Child – Syndrome 

Author’s Note – Life is beautiful, it’s up on us how well we maintain the equilibrium but at the same time Why women is always on the radar of Being Judged? We are often judged for our decisions, our choices, our preferences etc. As mothers we are the most vulnerable targets of getting judged – child sneezed, you don’t take care of him/her. A child gets lesser marks in studies – can’t you give attention to his/her studies? Career-oriented women – ruthless. Sit at home mom – not adding any value to life. Work from home mom – just passing time, not professional. Socially Active mom – all she needs is attention, this is what she is going to teach her kid also!!

A mom is the best judge of what is good or bad for her child. After all, she is the one who gave them this life on the first place, of all the things if she really deserves something is a little space and freedom to choose her way to Motherhood and some respect for her own choices. This Independence Day I really wish freedom from all these pressures which try to clip wings off from many talented women only in the name of – “This is Best for You!”

Linking this post with #MondayMommyMoments by Amrita or Deepa