Comparison – Kill the Comparison not Competition


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Kill the Comparison not Competitiveness

Namita was 10 years old when she won inter-school swimming championship, and national level when she reached 12th standard. An all-rounder student, a picture-perfect daughter. By the time she finished her graduation, top most colleges of the country were more than happy to accommodate her. A lottery ticket for college representing in International challenges & sporting events.

Fast forward to today; Namita is country’s top brass legal eagles with a swanky lifestyle and legacy to be in awe with. A prominent page-3 celebrity who is famous for her beauty as well as skills. Married to an elite Criminal Lawyer, she is mother to a 9-year-old charming girl Ehana. Ehana is super energetic child, unlike her mother she has no interest in swimming or books. Her favourites are colouring walls pink and blue and being naughty. Naughtiest kid on the block was her second name, family, friends and neighbours whispered she was nothing like her super talented mother.

Complaints from teacher is normal thing, but to Namita’s dismay even the school principal raised an alarm. Reality struck hard to Namita, when she accepted her daughter is not at all similar to her. She lost all hopes from Ehana and turned bitter, eventually making her crave for mother’s love and compassion. Neglected at such tender age, Ehana turned into an introvert and developed serious behavioural concerns.

Termed as a lost case, no one bothered to sit and hear her qualms. She picked up on drugs at very young age, one such unfateful day lost life’s battle due to drug abuse.


Comparison is the thief of joy – Theodore Roosevelt

What do we infer from Ehana’s story?

Comparing kids with others or ourselves is the worst thing we do to our children. We all are guilty of this crime, inadvertently we do this mistake many times. I have done this, I am sure most of you also have, isn’t it? But haven’t we heard competition is healthy?

Yes, competition is healthy if it is taken positively inside the gambit of inspiration. Positive support by appreciating the efforts bring healthy comparison in kids. “Yes, you have done very well. If you do it one more time, it will create a record.” Comparison is never meant to bring someone else or subject down.

 

Cut the Comparison in Children –

We must avoid comparison in kids, it brings negativity and develop self-doubts in young minds. I have heard and seen many parents coaxing their kids, despite of lack of interest to excel in certain activities. If a child does not like to dance, he/she will not become Michael Jackson just by you comparing with other kids.

Comparison brings jealousy home

We often drop same names to bring healthy competitiveness in children, but it is quite possible that children take it as jealousy. Jealousy has no home for positive parenting, and often result with negative consequences.

Comparison generates low self-esteem –

When we do anything out of proportion, it results in unexpected. Hence, comparison may generate lower self esteem in children making them vulnerable towards routes of destruction.

Comparison is poisonous for family relations –

As in Ehana’s story, negativity brewed among relations due to unrealistic comparisons. As every individual is different, so are their abilities. One cannot force feed abilities and qualities into anyone, and we as parents must respect it.

Parenting is a roller coaster ride, we learn with live ramifications. Every right move brings home pride and glee, but every wrong move teaches a lesson for life. There is no RIGHT or WRONG in parenting, we all work to get best for our children. Progressing in life with right ethics, is way to sustain mankind.

comparison kids

This is the 3rd post in the series of “Gleeful Parenting“ for #BlogchatterA2Z 2018 challenge by Blogchatter.

Earlier in Gleeful Parenting series –

A for Acceptance.

B for Be an Active Listener Parent.

COPY-WRITE NOTICE –
@Dipika Singh Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Dipika Singh (Gleefulblogger) with right and specific direction to the original content.

 

26 Comments

  1. Dipika you have hit the right chord. Mishti is into competitive coaching for swimming. Comparisons become normal . If the coach compares her with someone else she is motivated to improve herself but if I do it as a parent it affects her self esteem. I made couple of parenting mistakes but now I know my job. I just need to be her support , her Coach is her guide. Positive motivation is the key I guess while parenting.
    It’s a very important parenting point that you have raised in this blog post

    1. Thank You so much Aesha, I am glad we are going the right way. Yes parenting is all about trial and error till we find our right track. Glad for Mishti and wish her all the best for swimming classes.

      gleefulblogger
  2. I like ur blog… i agree that whatever parents are doing are doing for the betterment of the kids. But sometimes kids got fussy n throw tantram on us…. how to deal with that..? They just dont listen

    Aaroo tayal
    1. I agree Aaroo, we all face this phase my next post is hitting the same point. I hope you get your answer in that 😉 We all get such cheat-days when patience just hits the rock bottom and all we are left with is either a scornful look or a nice earful. I think a balance of all works well with such situations. Thank you for stopping by.

      gleefulblogger
  3. There is a thin line between being competitive and engaging in comparison. Children are no doubt gullible. However we as parents can show the correct way. No five fingers are same and we need them all to complete even the simplest task!
    Thought provoking post Dipika.

    Anagha Yatin
  4. Things done in right spirit yield positive results. I see we all do a lot of conparison especially with kids it can really have a bad impact. I am sure kids would have their own positives which when worked upon would make the child a much better person.

  5. Your title, Comparison – Kill the Comparison not Competition, says it all, Dipika. Ehaana’s story made me real sad. What a waste of life. If only parents realise realise that comparison only puts the child down.
    Very logical post.

  6. Comparison is necessary in a right way but somehow it seems to spread negatively within the parents and the children too. Ehaana’s story speaks a lot of the way parents put pressure on children and lower their self esteem.

  7. Comparison is something we’re all guilty of at some or the other point in life, and it is natural. When it comes to kids though we need to tread very carefully. Little incidences can scar them for life and rob them of otherwise great opportunities.

  8. This is a great topic to write about. All parents want their kids to be the best…and to surpass them in areas where they once failed. As you rightly said, this can lead to disastrous results.

    Do drop by mine.

    Cheers,
    CRD

    CRD
  9. I believe that comparision without critism is a fine. Comparing to identify your shortcomings and working on them is be fruitful. But, I am against the comparision wherein the child is demotivated.

  10. Another super post, Dipika! I admit I did compare my daughter with myself before my husband one day commented what I was doing. I now make a conscious effort to refrain from dropping names before her, however, there are times when I wonder if that shouldn’t give her a boost of motivation.

      1. I am sorry about that.. well, i really loved your post on Comparison. I was never a victim to comparison but i did really compare when my son was in his primary. Being in a foreign country, with tough competitions dragged me to compare. But at one stage, i felt guilty and stopped comparing and there has been no turning back. My son is enjoying to be him and I love to see him enjoying. thanks to let me know 🙂

  11. I am sorry about that.. well, i really loved your post on Comparison. I was never a victim to comparison but i did really compare when my son was in his primary. Being in a foreign country, with tough competitions dragged me to compare. But at one stage, i felt guilty and stopped comparing and there has been no turning back. My son is enjoying to be him and I love to see him enjoying. thanks to let me know 🙂

    1. So true Aastha, its our comparison in negative tone that make our kids feel insecure and stressed out. Best way to motivate a kid is positive words and appreciation. Thank You for stopping by, really appreciate it.

      gleefulblogger

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