MondayMommyMoments, Uncategorized

Freedom from Being Judged

“Judging a Person Does Not Define Who They Are. It Defines Who You Are”

Freedom is our right, we have been living in free India since 70 years now, but what about those who are still nabbed under the unseen shackles of society and its norms. This post is dedicated to all those daily life’s freedom warriors… Kumudh just finished her last slide of the presentation when her pains began, first slowly and then turning into giant leaps of tormenting trouble. Breathless she called in her driver, informed seniors about the medical emergency, and rushed for her child’s arrival. Nervous with excitement and shock waves of contractions, she calls to her family and Husband were crisp and short – get ready, it’s Time. 9 months and some days heavily pregnant Kumudh were rushed to Labour Room on her arrival, with family on toe.

Back at office, the last presentation made by Kumudh to offshore client bagged them the biggest contract with heavy revenues and reputation. As Vice President (Project Management) with a Muti-national IT giant her name comes as a most professional & dedicated employee. Many accolades on the cap and responsibilities on shoulders, placing someone else on her role for 3 months of maternity leave was the toughest decision management has worked on lately, apart from hushing the grapevine about her last-minute emergency exit. “Why she had to wait till the LAST minute”, “She’s 40+ this age gets lot of complications”, “She’s a ruthless career woman – didn’t you see she did not even care for her unborn child” and much more. Today no one is talking about the achievement her presentation got, but all are judging her for the decision she took – work till last moment of baby’s arrival!

Labour room was hustling with commotion over Kumudh’s high blood-pressure, her husband never left her hand but family was tensed. “What was the need of all this? we already have so much wealth, why she had to jeopardise the life of this child, she could have just taken a sabbatical” said her mother in law. Few tensed minutes and they got the good news of baby’s arrival – a healthy baby girl of 3.3 kgs, everyone was happy and relieved from stress – “abhi isko bhi apne jaisa JOB, JOB, JOB mat bana dena”, taunted her Mom while holding the baby in arms. It was least expected from them, but she let it go with a whiff of happiness – her baby!

Just a few weeks left in 3 months of maternity leave Kumudh is working hard to get a professional nanny for little baby. Her parents and in-laws are not in support of her resuming work this early – “What’s the need to going back to office this soon, you can always find a new job next year”. “Stay with your child for some time, jobs will come and go this time with your kid will never come back”. “You are being a hardcore professional, look at her from mother’s heart – take a sabbatical at least”. She was mentally prepared for this and hence, just concentrated on her judgement. At least her better half supports her – in sticking to his side of bargain.

Back in office she could see the concerns in eyes of her peers regarding her personal priorities now. “You might not be mobile temporarily, due to baby at home”. “How do you manage professional pressure so early after having a baby?” “Post-partum hormones, hope you are still sane to pick up the best decisions”. Not even once she was forgiven from these pokey questions, from the alleged accusations of being selfish, her only fault she did not agree to the preset guidelines of society. All she and many like her’s only ask for is a – ‘Little freedom, freedom to make their own choices’.

Read about Single Child – Syndrome 

freedom from judging

Author’s Note – Life is beautiful, it’s up on us how well we maintain the equilibrium but at the same time Why women is always on the radar of Being Judged? We are often judged for our decisions, our choices, our preferences etc. As mothers we are the most vulnerable targets of getting judged – child sneezed, you don’t take care of him/her. Child gets lesser marks in studies – can’t you give attention to his/her studies? Career oriented women – ruthless. Sit at home mom – not adding any value to life. Work from home mom – just passing time, not professional. Socially Active mom – all she needs is attention, this is what she is going to teach her kid also!!

A mom is the best judge of what is good or bad for her child. After all she is the one who gave them this life on the first place, of all the things if she really deserve something is a little space and freedom to choose her way to Motherhood and some respect for her own choices. This Independence Day I really wish freedom from all these pressures which try to clip wings off from many talented women only in the name of – “This is Best for You!”

 

Linking this post with #MondayMommyMoments by Amrita or Deepa

 

 

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22 thoughts on “Freedom from Being Judged

  1. This reminded me of the last day before my Maternity leave was about to start which is few days before the actual calculated date. The moment I went to Admin’s room for bidding farewell, I noticed something wet which I suspected to be water breakout. I called my Hubby and we straight away went to Emergency. Though it was not the time but called for another Ultrasound. Ahhh, the judgments. But I am glad I never faced any resistance from my Family. But yes, its a norm to blame Mom for every miss.

  2. Woe Dipika, this is really very impressive. You have covered so many emotions in one story. I don’t know when will all this stop. I have never worked but there are the different set of judgements for me.

  3. I worked until the day my son was born because I wanted to save the leaves for later.But, yes I got the raised eyebrows and the whispers.Ths things will never change and mostly it is the women criticizing their peers.

  4. It’s a wow post I must say , seriously yar why just women , child has fever or gets less marks , all credit to just the mom ,job kro to problem, na kro to problem , many times v just avoid even saying certain things so that v don’t have to listen to any judgemental decisions ….where is the real freedom #redefinefreedom

  5. It is such an apt story which shows how we moms are judged at every step and expected to do what others want us to. Whatever we do or not do is judged and we are blamed. This really needs to be stopped. Thanks for linking up with #MondayMommyMoments.

  6. A powerful post Dipika, I hear your pain.I never thought after becoming a doctor, I would be asked about my family planning plans in a job interview!But stranger things happened.Probably that’s why we meet here on #MondayMommyMoments sharing our voices together and making it stronger.One day our daughters will be free.Not judged!

  7. A powerful post Dipika, I hear your pain.I never thought after becoming a doctor, I would be asked about my family planning plans in a job interview!But stranger things happened.Probably that’s why we meet here on #MondayMommyMoments sharing our voices together and making it stronger.One day our daughters will be free.Not judged!Wonderful dreams for us.

  8. Wonderfully penned down Dipika…. it took me back to my first pregnancy when I went to office even on my day of operation because I wanted to save my holidays after the arrival of my baby….people judged me then, they judge me now!….. all i want to convey them is freedom from judgement is what all of us want and have the right for! Thanks for the lovely post!

    1. How true, I can relate to this so well. I had to leave my job to take care of our daughter but it’s me who hear all kind of accusing questions – why are you sitting at home? Oh yeah you like easy lazy life! I simply reply now – take care of my daughter and I will go do the job.
      People love judging without knowing the real truth of other person. Thank you for connecting to the thought.

  9. You took me back in the memory lane darling and yes it really hurts when you are judged. I think whether in job or not, a woman in india is forever judged.

    1. Thank You Roma yes and its prevalent across globe… have seen and heard tales from across boundaries about women being pointed upon. Not very long ago Emma Watson was pointed finger on to wear dress which revealed her chest and bee advised to step down from women crusader at UN

  10. I can so relate to this post. Soemtimes judgements pull you back and stop you from your own happiness. This is very nicely written

  11. A mom is the best judge of what is good or bad for her child. Very well said. But unfortunately people don’t understand this simple thing. Even with changing time, there are still few people who never stop judging.

  12. Very nicely written post. So true, no matter what choices we women exercise, we are always judged one way or the other. And very often, by our loved ones who have the best of intentions for us but yet do not fully understand us.
    Good Luck to you Dipika!

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