Whispers of Desire

Speaking about my life, it’s a mess. I was dumped over a text by my best friend turned fiancé last week. My landlord has given me a 45-day notice to find a new condo, and my lack of sleep has invited unwanted irk from my grumpy boss, who thinks he shits gold. Mom has given me a final warning to find a guy and settle down after she heard the grapevine that Arun dumped me.

Phew… so, in a nutshell, I am done for this life.

Inhaling the strong caffeine from my eighth coffee cup from the morning, I settled for completing the task assigned by Mr. Old Grumpy Pants. “Anita! In my cabin, right now,” shouted my boss from the floor’s make-shift canteen area.

What did I do now? I scooted from my desk and rushed to the hellfire range – “Sir, you called me.”

Without looking up at me, he gestured towards his desktop screen. I am mentally running all my sent emails to him to think about what could go wrong.

On the screen, I found links to various websites, OH GOD! These are taken from my search history. I have been searching for an apartment in nearby areas at discounted rates, and a few random searches on how to take revenge on your boyfriend who dumped you over a text message.

“This is what we are paying you for? You are doing house chores here to get paid by the company. Take your shit somewhere, and it’s time you get serious, or I will have to talk to HR.”

Cursing myself mentally, I apologized and ran out of his office.

It was late evening when I finished the pending reports and replied to all the client emails. Sending the final report to my boss, I just wanted to reach home and cry myself to death.

My stomach reminded me that I am a human and it requires food, so I decided to pick up something on the way. While ordering my deli at the nearby joint, I scanned around the outlet when a group of young girls were chirping around a corner.

Well, they are my age, but I have started thinking I aged prematurely due to the mess around me. Arun was my best friend from school; we literally grew up together. He had all my firsts, from the first kiss to getting under the sheets. We were in college when we decided to give romance a shot. It was a smooth ride, dating your best friend, but somehow, bestie turned into boyfriend, and later, a fiancé got things jumbled and all wrong.

He often complained about my inept lifestyle and that I was predictable. I never initiated fun in the bedroom, I don’t hang out with his friends (office colleagues, well, I never expected him to do that for me). I don’t fit in with his social circle and do boring stuff over the weekends, like listening to my favorite music and reading books. Well, the list goes on.

At the same time, I kept my afflictions to myself, thinking that once we were married and had a family, these things wouldn’t matter. But, for him, they mattered a lot.

Oh Gosh! I even thought of having babies with him. I was aware of his flirtatious tendencies but never felt jealous of his frisky adventures. Maybe I was to be dumped for a hot chick who right-ticks all his criteria.

Suddenly, the commotion coming from the girl gang pulled my attention to the banner hung behind them – Lollapalooza, an American music festival that takes place in the first week of August, which is exactly two weeks from now.

I love music and everything around it, but Arun never liked visiting music shows, and Mom would throw hysterics if I told her about a music band coming to play. I had to sneak out once to a music festival under the pretense of office training for two days.

Now, however, I don’t have to worry about them. Mom has accepted that I am a failure, and Arun, well, he is past news. Unexpectedly, my stomach was filled with butterflies, something I had not felt for eons, this excitement of going to a music festival. That too is one of the world’s most coveted music festivals.

After reaching home, I quickly finished my business while listening to Metallica and checked out the flight ticket’s availability and savings in my bank account.

One good thing that ensued due to my ex-fiancé was the savings in my bank account; we were saving for marriage, which is now… well, you know what. So, I am good on pockets and can even book myself some good hotels in Chicago during the festival.

I am bubbling with excitement and have decided to do something that will give me closure (well, I think it should). Heading to the wardrobe, I removed all things Arun, gifts or whatever touched his presence. He dumped me over text, and I will dump him on himself, quite literally.

Packing all the stuff in a box, I called a cab and went to his penthouse. Oh Yeah! He is loaded and hence never shy from flashing his money. I dumped everything on his apartment door and rang the bell.

Surprise… Surprise!! a chic in LBD and high heels answered the door, as expected. It didn’t even take him a month to find a replacement. AWESOME!

I pushed the box inside with my foot and gave a wide smile to the girl standing at the door – “My leftovers, darling. Ciao.”

Grinning, I walked back to the cab, hearing loud shouts and banging doors coming from his apartment. LOL, mission accomplished.

I have applied for a two-week holiday, knowing well it will unfold drama of astronomical proportions. I entered the boss’s cabin when he gestured for me to stop, well, I hadn’t even opened my mouth yet. Like I said earlier, astronomical proportion!

“Do you think you are in a position to apply for leave? You are not even eligible for a half-day. Your performance is going down the gutter. Go back to your work with this stupid leave application. Pull it back immediately from the system, or I will cancel it.” He was fuming to the level that it might give him a stroke.

I have to be strong, be strong, and fight for myself, Anita! You have earned it. The mental me is better than the real me in every aspect. She is bold and smart, unlike me, who gets nervous about others’ opinions.

Taking in a deep breath, I said, “Sir, I have already booked my tickets. Also, I have never taken any leave in the last 8 months, don’t you think it’s a little too harsh to reject the only leave I have requested?”

His head shifted so sharply that I wondered if it would detach from his neck. “The only thing I think is, why am I tolerating a clumsy employee like you?” he shot back, enraged like a furnace.

Clumsy. Boring. Predictable. Dull. Clumsy. Clumsy.

My vision turned red, and I said angrily, “Excuse me, Sir, would you like me to send an email to the HR department for the same?”

“You do that and lose your job. I am the only one who can tolerate your tantrums. Now, go back and answer all those clients from Paris in your mediocre French. The only reason why I haven’t kicked you out just yet”.

Enough is enough. I can’t take any more humiliation from this frog-face man. I stormed out of this room and went straight to my desk to form two emails. One, my resignation letter to HR, and two, a grievance letter to the senior Directors of the firm.

With my current savings, I can survive up to a year without any worry. That’s enough time to scout a new job, with my extraordinary talent – Proficient knowledge of French and German languages, along with English.

By lunchtime, the office was bustling with hushed talks. I could feel eyes on me whenever I got up from my place.

By the evening, I had several rounds of meetings with the HR and counselors. Finally, by late evening, I was relieved from the duties and advised to stay in touch for the enquiry’s sake.

My last visit was to my ex-boss’s cabin. I kept all the files and important paperwork on his desk, updated him about the last emails I had sent, and gave the most sarcastic smile before bidding my final goodbye. Mission number two – accomplished.

My palms are clammy, and I am standing on shaky legs. The queue at the immigration is getting shorter every minute. I am actually doing this alone. My first solo trip out of the country for a world-famous music festival. When I told Mom about my plan, she threw a wild fit, calling me juvenile, not serious about life, and how my immature behavior would portray a bad image of the family.

Well, the drama never gets old when it comes to Mom and her expectations; it’s just that I decided to tell her how they have been treating me like a third-grade citizen and never considering my life choices important. When her waterworks began, Dad had to jump in, parroting her words.

I have given up explaining my life to them some time back. So, here I am standing on the threshold of living my life as my own, which I never dared to do earlier, bound in the shackles of unfathomable expectations.

My travel was comfortable and safe; no one tried to hijack or sell me to flesh traffickers, or duped me of my money, as people warned whenever I mentioned solo travel earlier. Mental note – don’t think about the past, live in the moment, Anita.

The hotel I am staying at is bustling with a funky vibe, and huge Lollapalooza posters are hanging everywhere. The entire feel is of a hard-rock music haven. Collecting my keycard, I looked around to understand my surroundings. I noticed two things in general. First, most of the patrons are young, easy-going, and secondly, nothing is making me feel out of place. I belong here, in the moment.

This hotel room will be my home for the next 10 days, and I am going to enjoy every precious moment of this newly discovered confident and happy status in my life.

Day 1 – The itinerary is a city walk and Lollapalooza Museum; I wore my hot denim shorts, with funky sneakers, and a front-tied yellow sleeveless top. Keeping some snacks and water bottles in my backpack, I left for the tour bus hub. Yes, I have booked tour planners to avoid missing any facet of the festival experience.

There were a few people already waiting at the designated place! Excitedly, I took the second seat from the front of the bus, just behind the tour guide, who was a happy-looking, oversized middle-aged man.

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?” asked a deep male voice from my right.

Holy shit! A hot-as-hell handsome face was looking back at me with questioning grey eyes. I was so dumbstruck by this Chris Hemsworth voice and Bradly Cooper’s face.

He smiled at my shameless ogling! Coming back to the present, I replied, “Errr… no, it is not.”

This dude is from my hotel, wow! My heart was beating twice the speed when he sat next to me, his big, tall frame somehow settled in the bus seat, while some part of his body was brushing against my skin. I am hyper-aware of his male presence in my space.

“Hi, I am Chris!” he introduced himself while offering a big hand to me.

“No way!!” I blurted.

“I am sorry?” he quizzed with a smirk.

“Oh! I just thought you sounded like Chris Hemsworth, and here you are introducing yourself as Chris”, I justified my mindless blurted reply.

He laughed at my retort, a full-body laugh, and girl, it got my panties wet. I mean, this man is super-hot.

“Well, that Chris is taken, but I am available”, he teased with a wink. WINK! He winked at me.

A red tint crept all over my face. “Hi, I am Anita.” I took his hand, which was surprisingly soft against his rugged boyish charm.

The city walk was wonderful and enriching with historical dates, famous musical moments, and him (the hot guy, Chris). I was busy absorbing the view when Chris asked me from behind, “Care to join us for a quick bite?” waving towards his small group of two girls and two boys.

Are they couples? Won’t it feel awkward to be with them?” Sure,” I reacted even before my mind could debate joining the two-couple group.

We introduced each other while entering a small, cozy restaurant.

The girls are Chris’s cousin sisters from New York, the elder one is Cathy, who is sitting beside the man named Gill.  The other girl is Joey, the younger cousin of Chris, with the same muddy-blonde hair colour. She is the quietest of them all, after Chris. Gill is the loudest and makes the most jokes around; he has a warm smile and well-chiseled male features. He and Cathy are together.

“Don’t bother about their show of affection,” Chris whispered in my ear. His closeness did something to my tummy, which I blatantly ignored.

So far, I have learned that Chris is an architect with an American firm, located in the UK. Gill is a corporate lawyer in New York and Chris’s childhood friend. Cathy is doing her fellowship in psychology at some top-notch university, and Joey is a self-made entrepreneur.

I shared a little about myself, and when I told them that I left my job to come here, Chris and Gill gave me standing ovations.

The bus took us back to the hotel after the museum tour, and we decided to meet around 7 in the evening for drinks and dinner.

I wore a frisky short dress, revealing more than I wished, but I have never been more comfortable in my skin before. Chris was waiting for me in the lobby. My feet faltered seeing him in a black dress shirt and beige, relaxed linen pants. He looks like a serial killer who lures victims with his beauty.

Seeing me, he flashed his pearly whites and gestured toward the pub entrance. I saw his eyes hovering over my body with deep interest. When we entered our section, others waved for me to come fast for tequila shots.

“Hottie! Aren’t you looking delicious today, sweetheart?” Cathy shouted loudly! I blushed. She is in a nice one-piece dress in black with a plunging neckline. Gill is all over her, and I couldn’t stop looking at them with awe.

Chris followed me right behind, his presence and male fragrance were overwhelming my senses, “You are indeed looking delicious, and that blush, damn…. all I want to do is devour you,” he purred in my ear.

Oh God, is non-sexual combustion possible? I never felt anything like this before. Even in my previous relationship, physical intimacy was never my top-of-the-mind thing.

We had several rounds of drinks, with finger food, which was ordered by Chris and Joey diligently. I was buzzing with alcohol when Chris asked if I wanted to dance.

“Oh yeah! I would love to.”

Why shouldn’t I? Arun never asked me for a dance, a college date with friends being an only exception. He used to say, ‘You have twisted toes, Anita, which can make a simple dance look like a joker’s act.’ He wasn’t a great dancer himself, but then it was a different lifetime. Today is about the sexy me, wanting a handsome man who is enjoying my company. Period.

We stepped on the dance floor and began moving. With a little struggle in the beginning, we could match our steps, and slowly our bodies started moving in a rhythm.

It was like a trance, his body’s warmth, fresh smell, dazzling smile, and complete attention on me made me the happiest woman on the planet tonight. My head was fuzzy with all that alcohol, and the heat from Chris’s body was emanating warmth to my body. My lady bits were singing with desire. It was then that I decided that if he would ask me to ‘take me to his room’, I would say YES.

To my disappointment, nothing happened except dancing. He could see the disappointment in my eyes when he came to drop me off at my room. “Don’t think I am a gentleman, darling, it’s just that we have an entire festival ahead of us, and I don’t want you to hate me for what I wanted to do to you, the whole night.”

He pressed a goodnight kiss on my cheek and turned back with a wink.

I couldn’t process what just happened. Does this mean he is also affected by me? There is this heavy sexual tension around us, and now I know we both are aware of this attraction.

Day 2 – Today is the first show of the festival, and we all arrived at the venue in easy clothing and our own water bottles. Boys told us to be careful while accepting drinks from anyone, well, duh, I am definitely not accepting anything from anyone here.

Music started pouring in from every side of the dorm, and bodies began moving in excitement. The high tempo of music shifted the mood of the crowd rapidly. It’s getting better and better.

Grooving and grating bodies on an erotic number loosened the stiffness in my shoulders, and I found myself relaxed to the beats. Cathy was jumping over Gill; their mouths were glued together, almost like they were eating each other. By now, I was used to their level of PDA.

I was lost in the vibes when big hands touched my hips from behind. It was a sensual touch, like the touch of a lover – I turned back to grip the touching hands when Chris smiled back at me with hunger in his eyes.

Chris’s grey eyes were looking back at me, with burning desire. It was an ultimate turn-on seeing this handsome man craving for me. I was supposed to be boring and clumsy. Smiling back at him, I stood on my tiptoes to bring my arms to his neck. He bent down a little and kissed me slowly on the lips. It was like a feather touch, but it felt wonderful. I wanted more, much more than just pecks and baby-kisses.

Getting the permission, he pushed me back to the previous position, my back to his front. His hands started their journey from my hips to my waist, then stomach, and up. I could feel the need building at my core. My body desires this man, and I don’t want to deny it anymore. I don’t have to worry about being judged or called ‘a slut’ to satisfy my needs.

This is a new me, free from the expectations of others and societal conditioning, free from the parameters to fit into their shoes. Free from my own boundaries built over a period to pass their tests. I break all those boundaries and give in to my own happiness, to the whispers of my desires and happiness.

It doesn’t matter anymore if I have a man to steer my life, a job to frame my social status, and a family that has condoned my every step. All that matters to me right now is that I am happy in the moment, and I make my own choices.

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