Guilt-Free Parenting
Araadhya worked till her very last day of pregnancy, she was wheeled inside labour room and by the time things could settle down someone screamed – baby’s crowning! It’s a sonny boy, joys and cheers everywhere; but Araadhya was troubled. Her maternity leave and office’s AGM preparation (annual general meeting) beginning same month. Yearly incentives, promotions, annual allowance increment everything is on stake. After all she has given 8 years of her life to this organization. Keeping her thought aside, she glanced at tiny pink flesh wrapped in soft cotton and suddenly guilt creeped in.
Kashish is Montessori teacher and has a thing with kids. Everyone is fan of her teaching style, which gave her frequent promotions at school and extra brownie points with parents. Her daughter is 13 years, academically brilliant with fascination towards ballet dance. Kashish takes home-tuitions for many students in evening. As final exams were hovering over, she started with extra classes to facilitate last minute doubts. Her daughter’s final ballet performance was dazzling, everyone was gaga about the finesse and poise with which she danced. Kashish accepted congratulatory messages with teary eyes. Tears of guilt for missing her daughter’s grand performance due to professional commitments.
Vasu went to San-Francisco on official tour for four months, leaving his four months pregnant wife behind. He planned and calculated well, within four months he will be back with good amount of savings. They need to save each and every penny for baby now. Time flew by in a whiff, it’s time to pack bags and come back home when he receives an office mail. Project is extended by another three months, client has specifically asked for Vasu as project lead. Anyone else in Vasu’s shoes would have be on cloud nine, but for him this is heart shattering news. He would not be there at his first child’s birth. Guilt engulfs him for missing the most special moment of his life.
Guilt free Parenting – Are we going too harsh on ourselves
Araadhya, Kashish and Vasu are just few names, this could happen with you and me. We all live with highest expectations from ourselves when it comes to parenting. Our focal point in up-bringing of children is ‘best’ of everything. And sometimes, we miss the relativity of this best. When we doubt our methods and contradict decisions, guilt creeps in. The point is – keep realistic parenting goals.
When our daughter asked for pet as birthday present, I explained her the reasons of not having one. She agreed momentarily but later asked for real-life size doll house. I had to again talk her out of the idea due to space crunch. She accepted space is small, and doll house is postponed till we move out from this house. Then one fine day, she asked for fish tank. She caught me off guard with her ideas of where to place it. When we could not achieve her desires, I felt heavy with guilt and inability to fulfill her wish.
How to over come guilt-free parenting and make it gleeful parenting?
Decide your parenting goals – keep minimum expectations from yourself as a parent. We love our kids more than anything in this world, hence would do best for them always. Hence, stop judging yourself from the eyes of someone else.
Don’t forget you are a human too, being a parent doesn’t make you super human. Don’t be hard on yourself, remember parenting is all about trials-and-errors until you find your style.
Accepting your mistake won’t make you small in their eyes. If you have failed at any task, accept it and learn from it. Holding grudge or feeling guilty will neither help you, nor them. So, just say sorry and move on.
Happiness is in sharing, discuss with them. If you are unable to provide or accomplish expectations, share the same with children. Talking and Tea has sure-shot solution for everything ?
A happy family is not the one which enjoys luxuries and every materialistic thing of world. But the one which has love, trust, faith and honesty as pillars of strength.
This post is written for #BlogchatterA2Z series by Blogchatter, and my theme for this challenge is Gleeful Parenting. Previously from the series –
E for Education beyond Books
F for Father and Child Relationship.
14 Comments
Excellent article dipika. G is for guilt (2 posts on my wall) .do have your say on mine too 🙂
Guilt is ingrained in our psyche. Glad you spoke about it so rationally, Dipika. Very interesting and balanced post.
Having gone through this free guilt trip sponsored by my own high flying career and ambition, I can vouch for every single word you stated in the post. Wish I had this wisdom before…
Aah! Parenting indeed comes with a lot of built. I am experiencing one this month with kiddos summer vacations and me having a packed schedule. Your suggestions are vital my friend, thank you!
Beautifully put. Very well written post 🙂
I have been through guilt trips for the silliest of reasons while i left my kid at home for a few hours of pursuing some class for myself. Rightly said it is ingrained into our system
I think most of the time, we set our parenting goals on the basis of our peers’ decisions. We forget that everyone has unique situations, different resources and different realities. That’s how we end up setting unrealistic goals and get utterly frustrated when we realise that we aren’t being able to keep up.
Do drop by mine.
Cheers,
CRD
My G post last year was also about the same topic. Loved the way you gave examples Dipika. As a parent you do feel guilty of some or the other thing. Its very natural but you are right its important to be not too harsh on yourself.
Thanks Deepa, yes we shouldn’t be harsh to ourselves. Oh is it, would love to read that post from your archives.
I have recently entered parent’s club, and found this article useful and noted several highlighted points
Thank You for stopping by this post and reading. Glad this could be of some help.
Situations like these and many make parents guilty but like you said we are humans and everything is not possible always. Great post and very useful
I know many parents over go through the guilt of saying no to their kids but the parents think for the betterment of their kids so they should not feel guilty.
This was such a wonderful post to read Dipika. You have spoken the truth.