Daughters take the brunt of being scapegoat, but I ask WHY?

Kimi was just 15 year of age when her dad received a call on the landline; it was a normal evening routine – dad came back from office and she was chattering around him as usual, talking senseless about school and friends. When he went and picked up the phone. Suddenly the energy got heavier and she was told to go inside the room. She understood something isn’t right and hence was very inquisitive about the mysterious phone call.

It was around dinner time when suddenly all hell broke loose Kimi heard dad’s angry voice, rushing towards him thinking he’s hurt or something she asked what’s the matter? but he just glanced and went to his room. Whose call created all this mess? Mom as always tried to hush the topic saying it’s nothing!!! But a storm was raging high inside her, she went to Dad’s room and asked him what is wrong? He was so furious to even acknowledge her presence first, but after continuous pestering he said those words that shook her inside out! It was her classmate’s dad who called to advise her father: “keep your daughter in control, she’s growing very fast and have started troubling my son by her constant calls and nick-knacks“.

For Kimi it was a huge setback, she considered Dad as friend and have shared everything regarding school or friends with him. That day, something broke deep down inside her, a sudden surge of emotions took over and she cried her heart out – alone. Unable to understand why her Dad believed that Uncle? Why he did not ask me if I have ever called this boy? Why he got so angry? Doesn’t he trust me? I am his daughter, he should have trusted me more.. Why? Why? Why?”

To her Dad’s contrast Mom was very quite and calm, she asked her if you also think – “I have done something wrong?” She asked the same question back to Kimi – ‘Do YOU think you committed a MISTAKE? ‘No, mom never he is not even my friend.’ Her mother’s advise showed a new perspective & many logical windows.

‘It’s very easy to target a daughter because she is considered unequal to boys in our society. When a boy fails, he has been told to repeat and do it better next time; but if a girl fails, she’s told: ‘isse nahi hoga, ghar ka kaam sikho aur shaadi kardo iski‘. That’s how we have been conditioned. This is just the beginning, if you have to make it big in life, you must face these hurdles without breaking down. Don’t sit and cry baby, but make a point you raise your head high and win against odds. A daughter is no way lesser than a son.’

Next day morning Kimi got ready for the school but before leaving, went to her Dad and said “I have never called that boy and whatever his father has said was a lie. I am sorry that you think so small of me, next time before you arrive on conclusion just confirm“.

 

Author’s note –

When I think about this story, I realize how small Kimi’s Dad must have felt when this man called and advised him to control of your daughter, in a closed knit communities such things keep on happening and mostly no one raises fingers to the boys. Recently what happened in Bangaluru on New Year’s Eve made me introspect what’s wrong are we doing as parents to make our boys so morally deprived? They are definitely not born with such heinous mind set, it’s the cognitive learning which is turning them into such blind sided criminals. Our attitude of finding the scapegoats to blame is the biggest crime as a parent. If a boy looses against a girl in school, I have heard parents saying: ‘she is a girl, and see she came first! Tu ladka hoke first nahi aa paaya‘. SERIOUSLY! Does God designed our brain cells according to our gender?

Everywhere girls are fighting for their rights, come on! Why do we have to fight for which is our birth right.  

  • If a girl goes out to party alone, she’s inviting trouble. 
  • If a girl wears attractive clothes, she’s inviting trouble.
  • If a girl smokes, she’s inviting trouble.
  • If a girl booze (hey bhagwaan), she’s inviting trouble.
  • If a girl has a boyfriend, she’s inviting trouble.
  • If a girl had intimate relations with a guy, she’s inviting trouble.
  • If a girl breathes,she’s inviting trouble.
  • If a girl is born, she’s inviting trouble.

So the crux is daughter/girl is equal to Trouble, No wonder we have so many female infanticide cases in our country. On top it off many has this audacity to come up and give advise – Jaha Gud Hoga Waha Makkhi Toh Aayegi.  (flies are attracted towards sweetness) What is wrong is not with the GIRLS, or their clothing, or their going out with the boys, or drinking, or being independent, or being bold… but with our mindset as a society. It’s our responsibility to teach our boys from the very beginning give respect to all (don’t highlight girls, we are not special, we are just normal human beings) every human right, every human wish, every human breath, every human is important. Don’t discriminate between boys and girls, give them all equal chances to grow and live. Don’t snub any gender for the sake or weaker or dominant, let’s make a happy and safe society for our kids and future generations.

 

Disclaimer: This blogpost is written for MyCity4Kids Mumbai Chapter blogging site.

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26 Comments

Lakshmi · January 5, 2017 at 12:10 pm

My dear you rock!!! Just what needs to be said

Venkat M Prabu · January 11, 2017 at 12:28 pm

Good article , we should create Awareness and acceptance.

Healthwealthbridge by Dr.Amrita Basu · January 18, 2017 at 4:26 am

Very important we bring up our children right. Parenting is difficult

    Gleefulblogger · January 18, 2017 at 4:39 am

    Absolutely… I keep on struggling how to get it right.

minakshibajpai · January 19, 2017 at 9:33 am

Yes its a challenge to raise confident kids.
http://mommystimeline.com/20-birthday-return-gifts-under-100-rupees/

Jiya B · September 5, 2017 at 10:26 am

This is an awesome article. I must say you are creating an awareness here. I hope thos will become eyeopener for many

Snehal · September 5, 2017 at 11:30 am

I agree with you Kimi’s father should have asked her if she called or not :/

    gleefulblogger · September 5, 2017 at 12:09 pm

    Thank You Snehal 🙂

Ila Varma · September 5, 2017 at 12:34 pm

A must read for parents of both gender…raise kids with equal values.

Ar. Shivali Singla · September 5, 2017 at 4:39 pm

A must read for everyone out their. People need to open their minds and give equal importance to both a boy and girl

Bushra · September 6, 2017 at 7:11 am

Your stories always inspired me and this is such eye opening story everyone of us should learn to treat boys and girls equally

Papri Ganguly · September 6, 2017 at 7:29 am

A thoughtful read for every parents. We should treat daughter more than a boy because she has that potentiality that a boy doesn’t has.

Menaka Bharathi · September 6, 2017 at 8:35 am

You have nailed it rightly, yes, women of all ages are seen to be the ones who can be pointed at for someone elses mistakes.

Nisha Malik · September 6, 2017 at 8:49 am

I think its us who has this responsiblity to bring equal rights to girl child since we are raising kids. Lets start from home.

    gleefulblogger · September 6, 2017 at 9:12 am

    Yes absolutely. Thank You for stopping by

Alexx Bloom · September 6, 2017 at 11:48 am

Really good article, your writing is inspiring and the best part is the message you gave.

    gleefulblogger · September 7, 2017 at 7:39 am

    Thank You so much Alexx for connecting and like the post.

Mrinal · September 6, 2017 at 2:58 pm

That happened to me once.. i was returning from tution with the fellow students.. and my grandfather with whom i stay was standing at a shop.. he saw me with the boys.. he knew most of them.. still he calld my father and told him all shit about me that wo ladko ke saath din bhar ghumti hai and etc etc.. it was durga puja tym.. the biggest Bengali festival.. and i was locked in my home for those 10 days.. i remember the day my dad came back i and he confronted me i was literally choking and crying but still shouting and replying that i just went to market to buy pens and they were also going the same way so we all went together.. how that made me besharam.. that day and today I don’t care whatever anyone says.. i just hear from one ear and it escapes​ from the other

    gleefulblogger · September 7, 2017 at 7:39 am

    That’s such a touchy incident you shared here Mrinal, yes it happens with most of us where we are blamed without even seeking a reply. Coming from the North India I have faced this many a times but in stead of falling to the pressure I too learned to raise my head high and only lean when it truly means to. Thank You for connecting and sharing with me.

Anamika Debnath · September 6, 2017 at 8:25 pm

Such an inspiring article. I will teach my boy to respect every one mainly respect girl 🙂

Soniya · September 7, 2017 at 12:52 am

In this society, it’s pretty easy to blame girls for literally everything..great story dear

JAYSHREE BHAGAT · September 7, 2017 at 1:27 pm

Great initiative for awareness and acceptance in society

Amrita Basu (Misra) · September 7, 2017 at 2:44 pm

Oh God we have all suffered for this mindset .I hope we can teach our boys the right things andake our daughters stronger .It’s heartbreaking.

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