Blame it on the Mother…

I was just 10 when my school rickshaw driver told me to come with him. He said – ‘I know a secret garden behind the mosque.’

Wow secret!!!

Yes! Secret. Nobody knows about it, and hush don’t tell it to anyone. Otherwise the ‘pari‘ (angel) will fly away.

NO way! I want to see that garden bhaiya, let’s go.

Abhi nahi, shaam ko 4 baje (not now, come by 4 pm) and come alone. Don’t forget you want to see the pari alone.

The excitement was palpable, but mother’s have been blessed with microscopic eye.  Immediately my mom’s radar got active and she asked me – Kaha? (to where) I told her the entire sequence of conversation. I don’t recall any major change in her reactions that time. All she told me was to sit at home there is nothing like pari or secret garden. Next day morning bhaiyaji (rickshaw driver) never came to pick me up for school.

I was in 10th and mathematics was a pain, got extra tutions as home class. Maths Sir was a man in 40’s, he used to  come as early as 5 am to teach maths. Mom would bring tea for Sir, and leave us for an hour to study. Initially Sir made me sit on the other side of the table. As time progressed and his familiarity sitting positions altered. Now, I am told to sit next to him for better understanding. (Today, I wonder how?) He was explaining algebra, but his hand was on my thigh. Like a dumb, I did not react nor protest. Next day his hand was on my shoulder, again I could not react nor understood his intentions. He was in my house and for God SAKE a teacher.

Third day he kissed me on my cheek when I solved a tricky math question. I was uneasy the whole day with that lingering hideous feeling. Felt relived after sharing with Mother – and Bingo! No more Tutions. But whom to blame for all this? The Teacher, Rickshaw puller or ignorance?

I was saved on both these occasions thanks to due diligence of my parents and family. But all I wish today is – if they would have explained me the reasons too. Instead of just the disappearance of suspected perpetrators. All I wish today is that, at school or home I have been told about good/bad touch. All I wish today is, if I would have known right or wrong than – my reactions would have been different.

It was a different era, a different place, a different thought process but today time has changed. Our current generation is much smarter and active. My daughter is in kindergarten and already knows about the bad touch or good touch. But are we safe with so much awareness and knowledge? Blame it on time or generations.

Really!!! So what happened in Bangalore on New Year’s Eve? Was it from stone age; time-travelled to present day?

Whom to Blame for such hideous crimes

What happened in Bangalore that night was not only shocking but also heart wrenching. Mass Molestation they call it, by the Crowd! Crowd is the force; whatever they do is united because it’s by THE PEOPLE.  But who accounts for this crowd? They are people like you and me? Or are they people from some deprived alien planet who prowls for easy targets? Or people who have never seen or known women in their life? Blame it on Crowd – it’s easy to wash off hands.

We call them by different names, but the fact remains the same – they are us. Our society, our household, they are among us all the time. Just waiting for one such occasion when can pounce on us, as if we are a loaf of meat. Those girls who have faced such barbarism, were unable to even account how all this happened?

Just out of the blue they came from everywhere and started touching us, repeatedly everywhere.’ I read in one of the statements. Bangalore is a cosmopolitan city, with latest fashion trends, happening lifestyle and open culture. Education, Health, Hospitality, Real Estate, Technology you name it and Bangalore has it. Then what happened suddenly to Bangalore? Whom to Blame for these unethical incidents?

Root lies in the ethics, social responsibility and family values. Yes, if my son or daughter has done something morally corrupt, I have to introspect myself. Where did I derail from my duty as a mom/parent. When my son rapes or molests a girl, he’s not doing it to her but to me. As I am the one who imbibed values in him. Blame IT ON ME. Only if we as mothers stop indicating our sons as Alpha Males and a degree higher to girls. And tell our Girls to keep head down when someone tease or hurl filth on you. If we take a step forward to STOP doing the ancient way – World would be a better place.

If we mothers teach our Kids from very beginning, to treat every human being at par. Today the situation might have been brighter.

If we as mothers teach our sons to raise their voices against any injustice regardless of the fear or outcome. If we teach our girls not to take any injustice quietly. Today the society would have been much better.

If we mothers teach our kids to be compassionate & courageous. We will not have many spectators of crime but active members of society saving mankind.

As a mother of a girl child, I have taken a pledge to train my girl in self-defense. To make her self sufficient in any situation. I hope the same for every girl child – to be self sufficient & vocal.

What Motherhood taught me?



  1. Pingback: Slut Shaming

  2. Powerful post, Dipika! Teaching our kids about the difference between good and bad is our responsibility. Although, I would not entirely blame it on parents for any misdemeanour. We can do all we can, yet an individual can go haywire.

  3. Dipika, you are right that people who did mass molestations in Bangalore that night were not aliens but a part of the same society in which we live. Then what went wrong?

    You are again right that the root cause of such incidences is ignorance because we are not comfortable in educating our children regarding sex and what they learn from other sources is its perverted form. We need to tell children about sex according to their ages, as you did with your kindergarten going daughter by telling her about good and bad touch.

    What I liked about this post of yours is the balanced view. Yes, compassion and courage both are needed together. In fact, compassion and courage are two sides of same coin. One cannot be compassionate without being courageous and no one can know this better than a mother, who bears extreme pain to bring someone into the world.

    My only disagreement with this post is that one should not blame mothers for their children’s evil deeds because they too have their limitations. Hope you agree with me. Thanks for writing such an educative post 🙂

    1. Thank You for giving your viewpoint and time for relating to it. I am with you when you said Don’t Blame a MOTHER because she too has some limitations. But this blame is on ‘parent’ be it mother or father. I used the female side to relate with it as ground level. But yes as exceptions are always accepted so in these scenario. Love the fact that you gave it such a thought and provided your feedback. I really appreciate it Ravish. Regards.


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