Daughters take the brunt of being scapegoat, but I ask WHY?
Kimi was just 15 year of age when her dad received a call on the landline; it was a normal evening routine – dad came back from office and she was chattering around him as usual, talking senseless about school and friends. When he went and picked up the phone. Suddenly the energy got heavier and she was told to go inside the room. She understood something isn’t right and hence was very inquisitive about the mysterious phone call.
It was around dinner time when suddenly all hell broke loose Kimi heard dad’s angry voice, rushing towards him thinking he’s hurt or something she asked what’s the matter? but he just glanced and went to his room. Whose call created all this mess? Mom as always tried to hush the topic saying it’s nothing!!! But a storm was raging high inside her, she went to Dad’s room and asked him what is wrong? He was so furious to even acknowledge her presence first, but after continuous pestering he said those words that shook her inside out! It was her classmate’s dad who called to advise her father: “keep your daughter in control, she’s growing very fast and have started troubling my son by her constant calls and nick-knacks“.
For Kimi it was a huge setback, she considered Dad as friend and have shared everything regarding school or friends with him. That day, something broke deep down inside her, a sudden surge of emotions took over and she cried her heart out – alone. Unable to understand why her Dad believed that Uncle? “Why he did not ask me if I have ever called this boy? Why he got so angry? Doesn’t he trust me? I am his daughter, he should have trusted me more.. Why? Why? Why?”
To her Dad’s contrast Mom was very quite and calm, she asked her if you also think – “I have done something wrong?” She asked the same question back to Kimi – ‘Do YOU think you committed a MISTAKE?‘ ‘No, mom never he is not even my friend.’ Her mother’s advise showed a new perspective & many logical windows.
‘It’s very easy to target a daughter because she is considered unequal to boys in our society. When a boy fails, he has been told to repeat and do it better next time; but if a girl fails, she’s told: ‘isse nahi hoga, ghar ka kaam sikho aur shaadi kardo iski‘. That’s how we have been conditioned. This is just the beginning, if you have to make it big in life, you must face these hurdles without breaking down. Don’t sit and cry baby, but make a point you raise your head high and win against odds. A daughter is no way lesser than a son.’
Next day morning Kimi got ready for the school but before leaving, went to her Dad and said “I have never called that boy and whatever his father has said was a lie. I am sorry that you think so small of me, next time before you arrive on conclusion just confirm“.
Author’s note –
When I think about this story, I realize how small Kimi’s Dad must have felt when this man called and advised him to control of your daughter, in a closed knit communities such things keep on happening and mostly no one raises fingers to the boys. Recently what happened in Bangaluru on New Year’s Eve made me introspect what’s wrong are we doing as parents to make our boys so morally deprived? They are definitely not born with such heinous mind set, it’s the cognitive learning which is turning them into such blind sided criminals. Our attitude of finding the scapegoats to blame is the biggest crime as a parent. If a boy looses against a girl in school, I have heard parents saying: ‘she is a girl, and see she came first! Tu ladka hoke first nahi aa paaya‘. SERIOUSLY! Does God designed our brain cells according to our gender?
Everywhere girls are fighting for their rights, come on! Why do we have to fight for which is our birth right.
- If a girl goes out to party alone, she’s inviting trouble.
- If a girl wears attractive clothes, she’s inviting trouble.
- If a girl smokes, she’s inviting trouble.
- If a girl booze (hey bhagwaan), she’s inviting trouble.
- If a girl has a boyfriend, she’s inviting trouble.
- If a girl had intimate relations with a guy, she’s inviting trouble.
- If a girl breathes,she’s inviting trouble.
- If a girl is born, she’s inviting trouble.
So the crux is daughter/girl is equal to Trouble, No wonder we have so many female infanticide cases in our country. On top it off many has this audacity to come up and give advise – Jaha Gud Hoga Waha Makkhi Toh Aayegi. (flies are attracted towards sweetness) What is wrong is not with the GIRLS, or their clothing, or their going out with the boys, or drinking, or being independent, or being bold… but with our mindset as a society. It’s our responsibility to teach our boys from the very beginning give respect to all (don’t highlight girls, we are not special, we are just normal human beings) every human right, every human wish, every human breath, every human is important. Don’t discriminate between boys and girls, give them all equal chances to grow and live. Don’t snub any gender for the sake or weaker or dominant, let’s make a happy and safe society for our kids and future generations.
Disclaimer: This blogpost is written for MyCity4Kids Mumbai Chapter blogging site.